Anxious no more

"Summer... sunny days... rainbows... la la la ..."

The other day I overheard HJ singing this to herself as she was walking around her room, gathering various toys and knick knacks for whatever elaborate imaginative scenario she was setting up.

Oh it's definitely a new year for HJ.

She has come a LONG way since the day I started this blog. Pacifiers and diapers no more... "Adios!" as HJ likes to say, to major meltdowns and marathon tantrums ... "She just seems happier," our friend told us just today.

And yes, at the risk of having to take it all back tomorrow, in reality today was one of HJ's good days.

We actually survived a trip downtown to the Shedd aquarium, 90 minutes in the car, mostly highway, and not a peep from HJ about her previous highway fears... Three trips on the elevator, and not a word, about her prior elevator phobia ...

For those that don't know the full extent of HJ's anxiety about situations involving cars and elevators in the past, two stories come to mind. Both took place during the summer when our schedule was at its busiest.

The first occurred during the midst of my insane planning for Lila's dol, aka the single most stressful social event since our wedding 10 years ago. We were driving to the party venue one last time to look at the set up, and on the way, I made the apparently tragic mistake of finding a tiny goldfish cracker in the cupholder of our car, rolling down the window, and throwing it out the window as we drove along a busy Green Bay Road. Let me tell you, I have never heard so much about a goldfish cracker as I did that day. If HJ had the verbal ability then that she did now, she would tell me a million times, "Mommy. Time out for you. Four minutes." But at the time, it was just, "Mommy! Go back! Go back! Go back!" Yes, in HJ's mind, it was absolutely critical that we turn the car around, go back, and rescue the poor cracker. I blame it on lack of sleep and stress, but for some reason, I thought it was a good idea to tell HJ that I couldn't go back because the cracker had probably been run over by a car or truck. You can guess how well that went over.

The second event burned in my memory concerning an elevator involves the time we went to visit our friend who had just brought home her adopted baby boy from Korea. On the way to her house, we were riding in our friend's minivan, and with all the chaos of moving carseats and being in an unfamiliar car, HJ of course had to bring a variety of her security items. That day, it happened to be a plastic ziplock bag filled with coins. Don't ask me why. On the half hour ride to our friend's house, she must have dropped the bag and coins a handful of times. Each time we gathered the coins, put them back in the bag, and continued on our way.

After a brief and relatively uneventful visit, we headed back to the elevator in our friend's building. HJ's elevator phobia was at its peak at the time, and she generally freaked out every time she had to step foot in one. Our makeshift solution, since I was already holding Lila and the diaper bag, was to have HJ literally step on top of my feet and hold me around the waist so that her feet were not touching the elevator floor. As we were shuffling our way into the elevator, you can guess what HJ dropped, of course. The bag of coins. It was as if it all happened in slow motion. Thank the Lord that the plastic bag happened to fall precariously on top of the gap where the elevator door opens, and not straight down into the elevator shaft, or else HJ may have never recovered from the incident.

It's been a long time since I've had stories like that to share... And that to me is a good thing. It's hard to point to just one thing that's helped HJ overcome her anxiety about cars, highways, elevators, and various situations in life. It may be the counseling, the attachment therapy, the speech and OT, her teachers, a less hectic schedule, a general feeling of security at her new school and church and with her baby sister, but whatever it is, I'm thankful for it.

And in honor of all the progress HJ's made, I've decided to recommit myself to this blog. It is a new year after all. New goals, a clean slate, and a new design to keep me inspired. Happy 2013, HJ. I can't wait to see what this year has in store for you and our family.