I take it all back...

My poor, poor little girl...For the past year I have been dragging her around everywhere, to playdates and activities and all the things I thought were good for her and fun too, when today, on the last day of preschool ironically, I finally realized how overwhelmed and tired she must be.

Since today was her last day before summer vacation, her class had a little party for the parents and families. It was only from 9:00 - 10:30 a.m., but don't know if it's because we all slept late the night before, or if it was because it was so darned hot outside, but by the time the party was over, I was exhausted! And even my little extrovert Lila looked really glassy-eyed from all the stimulation and promptly conked out in the car as soon as we left school.

And the only thing that I kept thinking afterwards was, wow, so this is how it feels to go to preschool everyday, and I'm a grown-up! There's so much stimulation, even just being outside and running around, eating snacks, music time, and for HJ's class, therapy time like pushing herself on a scooter while lying on her tummy, and it all starts so early at 7:30 a.m! Actually, we were late again today, and poor HJ did not even eat breakfast. She just rolled out of bed and we rushed off to school.

Being the on-the-go person that I am, and already having had my alone time and quiet time at home in the mornings while HJ went to preschool, there were many days where I scheduled things for right after school. I would pick her up and we would rush off to meet another friend, have lunch with my dad, go to music class or the park, or whatever was on that day's to do list.  Poor HJ! She would just have to go along, and then I would wonder why she would always fall asleep in the car after lunch, and we often ended up missing her afternoon classes at Montessori or My Gym.

You would think that as HJ's mom, I would have realized this sooner! I don't know what was wrong with me. I knew in my mind that HJ was an introvert and homebody, more like Sol, but in my day to day planning, I just did not take that into account enough. When it came down to it, I think I just continued to operate the way I knew best, which was to squeeze in as much activity as I could in the time we had. I mean, even when we're on vacation, I have to resist the urge to do too much. It's hard for me to say, Ok, we'll just do one thing today and not stress out about the other things we could be doing as well...I guess I was sort of living life as a stay-at-home mom like we were permanently on vacation and just squeezing in as much as we possibly could!

In many subtle and not so subtle ways, I think God has been trying to send me the message that I need to SLOW down and listen for His voice in the way that I parent. But for some reason I've been really resistant. Maybe it's just because it's easier for me to do things the way that they come naturally to me, but through HJ I've been learning that there are some things that are too important in life, such as raising your children, to do without more thought, care, effort, and sacrifice.

I'm hoping this summer will be a chance for me to take a step back and ask for a redo. Sorry HJ, Mommy's not been too sensitive to your needs and how God has uniquely made you... Here's hoping this summer means less running around like crazy people and more time enjoying life and one another...