MOMMY I CAN'T FIND YOU!!!

HJ is very emphatic with her words and facial expressions, hand gestures, body language, tone of voice, etc... So even though she is delayed in her speech, Sol and I were just commenting that she's pretty good at communicating in other ways so she gets her point across pretty well.

So just imagine HJ saying, over and over again, in a very loud, very serious voice, with her eyes really big, and her head nodding up and down with each word, and her little hands outstretched, imploringly, "MOMMY. I CAN'T FIND YOU! I CAN'T FIND YOU AT THE Y!!!"

This has been my reality for the past couple weeks. Why did I do this to myself, I have to ask several times a day, when HJ starts "MOMMY. I CAN'T FIND YOU..."

What happened was I signed up for a groupon for a 3 month membership at the YMCA. Again, another one of those things where I thought, Great! I can finally exercise and not pay $90 a month at Lifetime and still get free babysitting for a couple hours.

The thing is, the first time I went to Zumba, it shockingly went even better than I could have hoped for. I had taken  HJ and Lila to see the childcare room a few days in advance. I showed HJ the toys that they had, the Barbie dollhouse, the puzzles, the little fisher price school bus... She was actually excited. So the day I wanted to try it out, we went early, got snacks, and HJ sat down and colored the whole time and Lila amazingly did not cry or fuss at all. And I got to exercise, without the kids... A miracle.... Of course this was too good to be true...

The next week I thought since everything had gone so well previously, that I should try a Pilates class with my friend. Couple things were working against me though. #1) The class started at 6:30 p.m., which meant I had to rush to feed the kids beforehand and #2) HJ kept saying, Mommy, no exercising! I don't want to go to the Y. Yes, bad parent that I am, I decided that HJ would be fine once we got to the Y and she saw the place where she had so much fun before, and I put the kids in the car and we went anyway.

Ok, I guess there were more than a couple things working against me... When we got to the parking lot, HJ still did not want to get out, so I basically had to bribe her by saying she could pick a snack from the vending machine, and she happily changed her mind. She got her snack and we went to the childcare room, and it was PACKED. Last time, HJ and Lila were the only kids. Another bad sign, but I decided we had made it this far and I wasn't turning back... So I said bye, have fun, Daddy will meet you here after work, and left for the class. No tears at this point, and I thought all was well...

Now I assumed the Pilates class would be meeting right across the hall, in the room which has a wall of windows where you can see everyone in the class. I told Sol if there was any drama with the kids, he could just come and get me. Turns out the class was moved to another room where there were no windows, and it was a bit further away from the childcare room...Yes, another bad sign that I ignored...

About halfway into the class, I hear the distinct wailing and screaming, of not just one, but yes, both of my children... I left the room to find them in the hallway, with poor Sol, struggling to get HJ in her winter jacket and Lila trying to break free from the infant carseat that is really too small for her at this point and probably contributing to her protesting so loudly every time we put her in it...I could see that HJ was about to really lose it and pretty much throw herself on the ground, so I quickly picked her up and said, "Mommy's here, what's wrong?"

According to Sol, the kids were fine until he came to pick them up. I mistakenly had not explained clearly enough to HJ that when Daddy came he was coming to take them home, and that Mommy would meet them at home later. So problem #1-- HJ did not want to leave without me. And Problem #2 -- they didn't know where I was.

Still holding HJ, I went back to the Pilates room, and tried to gather my things without making a scene... The teacher looked at me sympathetically and said, "That's ok... Maybe it will go better next time?" I smiled and nodded, but I was really thinking, not likely...

We made it home and I was helping HJ out of the carseat when she stopped and looked at me with big, fat tears in her eyes and said it for the first time, "MOMMY. I CAN'T FIND YOU! I CAN'T FIND YOU AT THE Y!" And she started wailing again and threw her arms around my neck. Seriously. Dagger in my heart. Mommy guilt to the max...

And I kid you not, for the past two weeks, this phrase has been repeated, randomly, several times a day, to make sure that I do not forget that Mommy, your daughter could not find you at the Y, and she is still not over the traumatic experience and she does not want you to ever forget it... Sigh... So much for trying to save some money, exercise, and have a little time to myself... I guess it's back to running through the mall with my giant double stroller, both kids in tow, as usual...