Mommy too much people

"Mommy nobody come over! Too much people!" has been a favorite phrase of HJ's lately. Along with "Stop laughing guys!" "Oh no too much stuff!" and "Don't take my picture Mommy!" You can probably get a sense of my daughter's temperament based on the frequency with which she uses these phrases! Uncannily like my husband (in more ways than we ever expected), HJ is a true introvert, "true to herself" as I am trying to say positively, rather than "not very outgoing" or "not a people person."

This weekend while I took the girls to a friend's birthday party, Sol spent almost six hours rearranging and cleaning HJ's bedroom, putting up a pink princess canopy tent in the corner so she can hide out for some of her cherished alone time. When we came home, HJ was THRILLED to say the least. Ever since her room has been "fixed by Daddy" as HJ likes to say, her new favorite phrase is "NOBODY GO IN MY ROOM!" I have to laugh because it sounds just like someone else in our household, a certain husband and father who makes it clear that no one else should step foot in his office, AKA "man cave" :)

In a previous life, pre-children, I had always thought I was an introvert as well. After having two kids I quickly realized that I am becoming more and more of an extrovert... Some days when we don't leave the house at all, I feel like all the life has been slowly drained from me and I can hardly function. It's a strange feeling, but being home with two young kids has made me feel more alone than the days when I used to work from home for hours at a time or just read and write in solitude.

I have often thought how ironic it is that my daughter is such an introvert and homebody when I am discovering how much I enjoy being with other people and being out and about. Sol, the one who understands HJ intuitively because he feels the same way, is always reminding me to give our daughter more unstructured time at home to unwind and de-stress. I'm trying hard to find a balance so that HJ gets the chance to recharge but also socialize and try new things. Although she resists at first, from experience I know that she eventually really enjoys and appreciates those times.

There are so many activities that I sometimes feel like I drag her to... Little gym, apple-picking, the pumpkin farm, the children's museum, the waterpark... I know she will enjoy these activities once we get there, but sometimes it's a battle convincing her to go. I have to smile though when months after we've been somewhere she wakes up one morning and says, "Mommy, I went to the pumpkin farm. WIth Sarah and Corinna and mommy. I had fun on the strawberry ride." It must've made more of an impact than I realized at the time!

So while others may think I'm crazy, I plan to continue exposing her to new experiences and classes, because I know in the end it will be worth it for her. In Raising Your Spirited Child there's a chapter that discusses children who have a "nonapproaching trait" or in other words, have a cautious first reaction to everything. Again, that describes HJ perfectly. But as the author says, this doesn't mean that all new situations need to be avoided. Just like everything else with HJ, there just needs to be a little extra preparation, encouragement, and support before she can fully jump in and enjoy herself. Some of the suggestions in the book: arriving early, bringing along a friend, viewing a video beforehand, or creating a picture planner. Lord help me if I actually have the time and energy to do these things with HJ before we start a new activity, but at least I have some ideas now rather than wondering why I'm the only parent holding my 3 year old in ballet class while the other girls are happily dancing with the instructor. I do have to confess part of me was a little bit sad when the ballet classes had to be canceled. Putting her hair in a bun, wearing the same outfit as everyone else, quietly following instructions, not quite the thing for our spirited girl I suppose! But getting to do her own thing in art class, or running around in gymnastics, that brings a smile to her face.

Sometimes I've thought that my husband would be a better stay at home parent than I would, especially with the way that his personality matches up with HJ's. I picture their calm and scheduled days, an orderly house, the dishes washed and the laundry folded and put away, and a happy father and daughter snuggling on the couch. Perhaps it will happen in another stage of our lives if it ever comes to that... But for now, it's me and my girls, trying to make things work as best as we can... It's funny how things work out differently than we expect, but I'm trusting that God has a plan for us in this season of life and I'm hoping that being there for my girls is what they need right now... Ask me again another day and I might have a different answer, but for now this is my story and I'm sticking to it :)