I Don't Want to Forget...

HJ remembers everything... Where she left her toys... Who gave her what present... The store we visited just one time months before... Her sentences these days often begin with, "I remember..."

It makes me wonder, what memories does she still have about her life in Korea before we adopted her? Recently when Lila was crying inconsolably, HJ went to her room, and a few moments later came back with a podaegi that her caretaker had used to carry her everywhere. We probably hadn't brought out that podaegi in the past two years, but it amazed me that HJ instinctively thought of giving it to Lila because she knew it made her feel better when she was a baby...

When HJ first came home and we video-chatted with my grandfather and her previous caretaker in Korea, HJ would often get really sad and quiet and it just seemed like she was remembering and missing everyone in the orphanage. Some people have told us that children are so resilient and that babies can't remember that much, but at least for HJ it seems there are these emotional memories that she holds onto from the life she had before she came to us.

We often joke that HJ is a "f.o.b" or 1.5 generation and generally more "Korean" than we are, even though she was still a baby when she was adopted. She LOVES eating "bop" and "gook" and would prefer Korean banchan to American food any day. And these days she loves learning new Korean words from "nee" and "ha-ji" (grandma and grandpa), so we're thinking about enrolling her in Korean school before this moment passes us by!

This is all to say that I've been thinking lately... there are things that I don't want to forget either. I don't want to forget how far our daughter has come.... When there are days like today where there were diaper explosions and tears and naps that weren't taken, I want to remember the magic of meeting our daughter for the first time, the first time I held her when she cried at night, the first time she said "umma" and rested her head on my shoulder. I don't want to forget that it's a miracle she's here and part of our family, that people on both sides of the world said it couldn't be done, but God allowed it to happen, and for that, I'm always thankful.